I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
