Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
