Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize