No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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