She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
