Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
