Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
