I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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