My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize