I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
