Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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