I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
