so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize