Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
