Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
