my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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