Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
