so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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