Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
