we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
