When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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