we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
