I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
