And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
