I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
