"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize