I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize