I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
