Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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