I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you win again, gameday.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
