Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
