I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
