i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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