Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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