bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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