Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
