enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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