It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
