I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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