i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
