well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
