oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Floor bacon is actually really good
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize