I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
