the condom got lost in my hair
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
