Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize