Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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