I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
