Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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