: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
worst night to have a conscience
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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