first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
