He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
