he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
