Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
