I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
