I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
