I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize