so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
