Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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