Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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