The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
