my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
