Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
