yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
