Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
