i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
