I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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