yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
