I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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