You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
