Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize