I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
