I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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